Don't Let Control Get the Best of You

Control can be a good trait to have but it also is a double edged sword. To have control of one's life is nice. It is relaxing, less stressful and even pleasant. People may say that person has it all in one package and at the top of their game. They appear to have it all but appearances can also be deceiving. Control has an ugly side. It is when the behavior moves on to where the person wants to control other people. This is not an attractive trait in a person. I find myself trying to deal with controlling a situation and struggling with this very issue. There are ways to deal with control and handle situations in which one does not need to try to control everyone else.

First and foremost, do not sweat the small stuff. High strung people like myself can get in the habit of constantly worrying. Worrying just adds stress and stress makes one want to continue the habit of controlling everything. I find myself going to the saying of AA, take one day at a time. Do not worry about the future as it is not here. Take the day one at a time, hour by hour if needed. Go from one activity to the next and if it is not completed to your liking just try to go with the flow.

Second, let sleeping dogs lie. Controllers like to stir the pot. In essence, they want a situation their way and only their way. Do not be the one to stir the pot or make a circumstance ugly. If someone is not doing something the way you like it, accept the fact that they are different from you and that may be the way they do things and move on. There is no reason to make your opinion known if it is going to hurt someone else.

Finally, learn from your controlling past. Sit and ponder for awhile. Did controlling the situation better the situation or did it start an arguement? Is it worth it to control another person? Did the relationship improve because of the controlling action? Chances are the relationship did not improve and it caused more tension.

Learning about control will only improve a relationship. Dealing with addiction in my life and my personal issue with control, I can attest that trying to use it constantly does not work. A person needs to be reasonable and either try to make the situation work for themself or move on. I have learned that alcoholism is an ugly disease that makes the non addicted person want to control everything. I mean money, activities, places to go and even people to see. Sometimes an addict or alcoholic needs to take that step and decide what they want to control. If they want control of their life, that is their personal journey. I have found that my personal journey does not mean to control others but find a balance in which I am controlling my own destiny and not others.